He's tall
He's right
He rides a three wheel bike
DAVID DUFFIELD
DAVID DUFFIELD

If you've been reading the buzz about David Duffield and wondering who he really is or what he sounds like we're going to tell you - He's like your favourite uncle. On three wheels. With a pocket full of French cheese. And a mini cooper parked around the corner.

If you want to know what he sounds like... just take a listen to this
David Duffield Sean kelly Maurizio Fondriest

David Duffield, Maurizio Fondriest, Moreno Argentin and Sean Kelly

From: Niall
Subject: Duffers

My favourite Duffieldism is when Dave get all euphoric and exclaims "THIS IS WHAT BIKE RACING IS ALL ABOUT"

Cheers, Niall

This is exactly the sort of thing that gets kids into cycling. Mad action on the screen and Duffield going crazy on the mic. Its got to have an effect in getting people into cyclesport somewhere. Well spotted Niall, keep 'em coming.

From: Alijosa , Singapore
Subject: duffield

Hello there I've had a chance of listening to cycling commentary in many languages and David Duffield beats them all. Name a person who can enterntain you for five or more hours during a long stage. Sure, others may be more knowledgable and proper but also oh so boring. And David...well, there's always something to talk about.

One of the Duffieldisms that you migt have forgotten to mention: "....and the proverbial has hit the fan" , probably meaning: ...and the action in a group of riders has started.

Thanks Alijosa for that one. How on earth do you manage to get to hear DD in Singapore? You're right of course - there is always something for DD to talk about. Granted it might sometimes be at the wrong time but there's always something to talk about!

From: Justi
Subject: Duff Duff

It always worries me when he says 'by the way...' because you know he's going off somewhere - usually something to do with food, while the race is reaching the most exciting point and Sean Kelly is saying 'Er, David, that's the 1 kilometre banner they'll be going under..'

Enjoyed the site though.

Justi

Thanks Justi - By the way....

From: Mike
Subject: The god of cycling

No-one has mentioned is ability to consume local wine/beer and off-the-track delicacies.

my only complaint is that he is a such an obvious fan of Armstrong. He does sell UK cycling better than anyone else.

By the way has anyone heard his story about fat-bottomed ladies and those without clothing for a PR shot? Is it me but are Eurosport reducing his contribution and commentary time.

Duffers isn't duff just "going off on a tangent".

Mike (Kingston/Thames)

It would be interesting to go out to dinner with him one night on the Tour. If anyone has met him in a restaurant is there any chance you can do a report for us? And does anyone reckon Russell Williams really eats that many baguettes as DD makes out?

From: Mike
Subject: Peter Farazijn

It's out of date and in dutch but go to www.geocities.com/Heartland/Prairie/9863 and click on the relevant bit.

Ciao again.

Thanks Mike. Did you send us this in a "By the way" off on a tangent tribute to DD? Its a good page isn't it and Peter Farazijn was an interesting rider.

From: Martyn
Subject: Duffers

Here is one that seems to have disappeared a bit this year in favour of "the battling ossy" The bold Stewy or anyone else that attacks and gets 10 seconds down the road. Not to mention the great ride at the Tour of Langkawi.

Indeed. And now DD can't mention the Bold Stewy without mentioning his Cobra sports car either.

From: Paul
Subject: We Love David Duffield

Love the site.
I remember reading in Cycling Weekly about David's three-wheeled exploits in the late 1950's/early 1960's, and I'm sure I met him, at least once, while on Sunday rides with the Kingston Wheelers. He would have been on his way home from a time-trial but I don't recall daring to speak to him - he was an awesome figure even then, because of his achievements and his obvious madness!
In between throwing my shoes at the television, I love the man! Long may he continue to delight and infuriate us, as he would put it (and does, many times a day), "too, as well" (i.e. also).

Paul, Surrey

Thanks Paul. Not many people contact us regarding DDs riding exploits. It would be interesting to find out more about what he was like in those days.

Thanks everyone for the emails. Please keep sending any info you might have on the great man and for those of you out there who don't like David's style of commentary then in the words of the man himself:

"If you can't stand the heat of the kitchen then don't come into it!"

Has anyone got any pictures of themselves with David? It would be great if we could display them on here, perhaps with his autograph is someone has that as well.

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From: Ben
Subject: duffers

hi addiscombe cc
i too have been a fan of the duffers stream of (un)consiousness for many years. i write a road race report for the de laune cc magazine and always give it a title from some of the phrases that he uses over and over again (these can be viewed on our web page: www.delaunecc.org). the personal favourite from this tour was him reading out the complete menu from his hotel on the 21/7/01 stage.

regards ben
de laune cc road race sec.

Gotta love those transition stages when the racing is so quiet that out comes the trusty menu from the night before. Good to see the De Laune on the web with such a good site.

From: Brian
Subject: Duffieldism

You ask for clarification of the phrase "the rough end of a ragman's trumpet".
There is a north of England working class expression of great surprise: "well f**k me with a ragman's trumpet". I'm sure that you'll see the connection .......
Hope that this helps.
An excellent website BTW.

Brian

It helps.. Too Much!

From: Phil
Subject: No Subject

The Duffers site is fantastic!
My familiarity with the Duffieldism's on the site is unnerving - obviously I'm spending far too much time watching old TDF videos on rainy Sunday's - time to get a life.
We all have our favourites, but surely his legendary condemnation of the hapless young lad who knocked Beppe Guerinni off his bike on Alpe D’Huez in 1999 must rate as the apotheosis of Dave's genius.
Remember the scene - the "yard of pump-water"-like Guerinni is riding to victory when, following a bit of a fandango go-right-go-left-go-over-the-bars, Beppe hits the floor.
Duffers: “Awwww nooooo!.....what a stupid, stupid man......if I knew that man I wouldn't want to be friends with him ever again."
Steven Roche (stifling a giggle) summed it up for all of us watching: “Well said Dave, and keeping it clean as well,"
This clip deservedly made it on to one of those bloomers-style shows on ITV.
Dave and Sean are the Eric and Ernie of sports commentary e.g:

Dave: "WhatdoyoureckonSean?Dearviewer,especiallythoseofyouswitchingonEurosportexpect
ingtoseethetennisandinsteadseeingallthesechapsonbicycles,Seanisfourtimeswinner
ofthegreenjersey, [no explanation what the green jersey is of course] AnywaySean,isDekkergoingtostayawaytotakethestageoristhebunchlyingdoggobeforego
inglicketyspit [another one!] andreelinghimin,ehSean?

Sean:
"Yes."

Mygirlfrend, who has never watched cycling in her life before, is now addicted to Eurosport. Like most neophyte viewers she is often driven to distraction by Duffers but soon she will come to understand. Cycling ain't cycling without the Man.
Full marks to Addiscombe CC for providing us with a forum to express our devotion. Surely it is about time his nuggets were immortalised in print - so to speak.

Cheers, Phil

Thanks Phil, interestingly its the wives and girlfriends that are amongst his biggest fans (and consequently send him pictures of their pussies - see Duffield Facts) and Its probably because he is always *trying* to explain what bike racing is all about. Although its normally to the disappointment of the boring know it all *expert* amateur road racers out there , some of which have now started to send me abusive Duffield mail. Can you believe it? Plonkers.

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Post Tour de France 2001

The interest in David Duffield reached fever pitch toward the end of the Tour de France 2001. Emails were received and the best ones are below for your enjoyment.

From: Ryan
Subject: duffield

One Duffieldism that I thought you would have got,

Now the (Saeco, Telecom etc.) team are starting to go = Team is working hard at the front. Usually uttered after the team has been working at the front for well over 20k. Also can be applied to a rider who has been at the front for at least half an hour.

Other classic Duffers characteristics include,

Confusion over which rider he is watching. Even if one was 10 minutes behind in the peleton and the other was in the front with a break of 3. This happens frequently when he is not sure who is in the break and if a team mate attacks from the peleton he thinks that is the rider attacking the break. Most recently when Cardenas won his stage and he was not sure whether he was watching Laiseka or Etxebarria.

As you have mentioned in other areas, failure to pay attention to what is going on. Which he does realise and then apologises for another 5 minutes by which time the race is usually finished.

One last one. This usually happens to Sean. Duffers asks a question, short pause and before Sean answers he then continues to evaluate all possible answers that Sean could give. Usually ends with Sean just saying YES when Duffers finally finishes his question.

I have watched Eurosport for two years now and suffered. Lots of people in our club like Duffers, but I think he is the worst commentator I have ever heard. Unfortunately I have no choice if I want to see any cycling coverage in the UK. The whole idea is to analyse the action from an informed point of view. He does appear to be informed but in no way able to analyse what is going on (probably comes from being a tester in his racing days). Comparisons to Murray are just not fair. Murray has made some fantastic mistakes but his following of the action has never faulted, despite mis-identifications, jinxed timing and poking Nigel Mansell on the huge bruise on his head. Still Duffers does deserve recognition for his "attempts" to try and popularise cycling and his dedication to the cause.

Like the site. Keep up the good work.

Ryan
Birmingham Cycling Club
www.birmcc.org.uk

I guess with David you have to do part of the work when watching a race. You look after the technicalities of who's in the break and who's off the back and leave the entertaining stories of cheese, hard work, Fausto Coppi and rabbits called sixpence to DD. Lets see what the others say...

From: Edmund
Subject: Dufferisms

Hi, love the site!
Here are some tasty snippets which spring to mind:
Calling the banned Spinachi bars "Spinergy" bars (David, they make wheels!) In the early days of EPO awareness, he was calling haematocrit "haematoclit" bless 'im......like that one, David! The little Columbian climbers who "weigh 7-stone wet-though" The marvellous moment during the Giro 2001 when the riders were getting hassled from the Simoni supporters and just as David was stepping into the pulpit to preach how something had to be done with the wild tifosi, Belli plants his right fist on a culprit's coupon (the hapless victim turned out to be Simoni's cousin or something)...David's joyous reaction was priceless, and just a leeeetttle out of line considering they threw Belli off the race for that! The similar defining moment when Guidi was knocked down by that geeky lad brandishing a camera on Alpe d'Huez...David said something like..." and I hope that all the people who are friends of this man, never, ever speak to him again...!", while sounding like he was frothing at the mouth...no, sorry.."spitting nails"!
I have a feeling we have a long way to go before exhausting new material for your site...

Ed Edinburgh

p.s. I like to sometimes watch Euro while listening to France Inter commentary on Long Wave radio...they also have live reports from the motorbikes and wow can they make it exciting!

Haematoclit??? What did he think epo did? Is it oestrogen based?

From: Robert, Seattle, USA
Subject: a few more duffieldisms from yanks in seattle

hello addiscombies -

we get bootlegged eurosport video over here and there's a few of us here who have come to appreciate duffieldisms as much as you. so here are a few more for your list:

"base over apex", -- going over the bars in a crash
"come a cropper" -- having the bike slip out from underneath in a crash
"going like stink" -- yet another way to say traveling at top speed

cheers, and thanks for the laughs

[robert]

Thanks Robert - how do you manage to get bootleged Eurosport over there? I bet a lot of your fellow countrymen would be very jealous if they knew. I suspect DD wants to say "Arse over tit" which is a common British saying that is a bit uncouth for family viewing hence "Base over apex". Interestingly "come a cropper" and "going like stink" are used in conversation occasionally over here but don't make it into common usage in other countries. I guess its even harder to understand DD for you than it is for us! Hopefully the Duffieldisms page can assist in your viewing pleasure.

From: Tim
Subject: duffers

I agree that the man is a living legend, even if his meandering style of broadcast journalism does cause me to curse out loud at times, usually when the pivotal moment of the race is unfolding before our eyes and he is recounting his after dinner anecdotes involving ''a rather nice glass of...''(insert any regional plonk).
Favourite duffisms have to be counting the number of times he refers to that select breed, the 'specialist climbers' whenever there is the faintest whif of an incline along the race profile. Also, after one of his frequent rambles, turning to Sean and asking 'what's your thoughts on that Sean?', the obviuosly bemused Kelly embarrisingly half whispering in reply 'well I dont really know about that, David' in a Ted from the FAST SHOW manner. Duffers, undetered carries on regardless.
great site,chaps
tim, nottingham

Excellent - especially the bit about Sean Kelly! Its interesting you point out how DD carries on regardless as I think that is what makes him so endearing to a large number of us. I know you reckon he is a living legend but I would go so far as to call him a "national treasure" and "prince of mikes". Do you think we could nominate him for an MBE or something similar? It  must be possible if enough people nominate him. Does anyone know how these things work or do you have to be in the establishment? For services to marathon broadcasting in difficult circumstances perhaps?

From: Greg
Subject: Duffieldisms

the one david duffield says often is 'a burst on the banjo' meaning, i assume, a rider is taking his turn in a share of the work. there are loads more, of which i can't think of right now but will send them when i do.
cheers,
greg

Thanks Greg, please keep thinking of them and let us have them as soon as you can.

From: Ellen "Ace"
Subject: Duffieldisms

The one that's been driving me wild this year's TdF is David's pronounciation of a certain Telecom rider. I have no idea how to pronounce Mr. Vinokurov's name, but I'll bet it isn't Voodookroff.

I was so happy to find your site--finally, someone who understands! I spend half my life watching EuroSport, and the other half ranting about EuroSport commentators (and me an American). I'd like to return the favor by pointing you towards a fun piece I wrote a couple of years ago titled "EuroSpoof" (http://www.1stserve.com/spoof.htm ). It's about tennis commentators, not cycling, but I think you might enjoy it. You are definitely my kind of people.

Ellen

Hey Ellen thats a great tennis feature (and the rest of your site is pretty good). How about turning your talents to a Duffieldspoof in the same vein as the tennis piece?

Thanks everyone for the emails. Please keep sending any info you might have on the great man and for those of you out there who don't like David's style of commentary then in the words of the man himself:

"If you can't stand the heat of the kitchen then don't come into it!"

From: Norman
Subject: David Duffield

Thank you for your excellent web page, please accept the following for inclusion re Mr Duffield.

"Rough end of a ragman's trumpet" - rag and bone merchants would often blow a trumpet/bugle to warn/advise of their approach - not known for quality or tone!!!

David, when he worked for Halfords, was involved with the poster given away with a pop record (Queen?) that showed the rear views of naked young ladies on bikes - when he explained this at the Chippenham CC dinner I Understood why the saddles had looked of poor quality when examined closely.

I must complain about the choice of cycling route he gave to Cycling Weekly - all main road and very busy!

Thank you for your excellent web site.

I and my family appreciate the abilities of David in that he is able to :- talk/listen to producers/listen to race radio/remember food - drink - people - places/put his size 12 in his mouth and remove it in the same sentence for many hours on end.

I am not quite as old as him (by a month or three) and can remember articles in Cycling Weekly about his tricycling exploits - also wondering why he used three wheels when two were obviously faster.

'The Guardian' did an excellent article on him during the 2000 TDF that says everything - long may he continue!!

Norman

Thanks Norman. You sound like you were actually lucky enough to meet Him in real life. We were thinking about getting Him to come to our annual dinner but we are a bit tight and don't have the money to pay for his transport, hotel, food  and "fizzy brown stuff" so the other year we got pro road racer Gordon McCauley instead as he only lived down the road, had a small appetite and didn't drink much.

From: Lisa
Subject: duffieldisms

One to add to your David Duffield page:

"Just post your questions to ww.eurosport" means "send us an email"

today's permutation of the URL was just as good: "w.eurosport.com.uk"

I love your Duffield page so much I may have to join the club.

Lisa

Thanks Lisa, you're welcome to join our club anytime. Perhaps we should have a special concession for Duffield fans. You want to hear how he read our URL out for the Agreeable World. I'm surprised anyone ever managed to log onto it!

From: Andy
Subject: David Duffield

I recall Duffer saying "he`s like a yard of pump water" which I would say draws a parallel with "a long streak of piss" i.e. tall and skinny

P.S. I think your site is "Top Hole" i.e. ACE!

Thanks Andy. I don't know if we were ready for the uncouth description but I think we get your meaning. While we are *down there* I notice that he pronounces Francois Simon's surname as Semen. Now how many other cycling commentators get to use that word?

From: Gary
Subject: David Duffield

During the Giro d'Italia "I've always been very fond of Milan - ever since I saw the film "The Italian Job" Fact: The film was shot in Turin!!

Also during the G d'I. "And MercatoneUno is a large chain of supermarkets" Fact: They sell furniture!

Fortunately, I am able to see the Tour de France on Italian TV so I don't have to suffer Duffield this time

Regards

Gary

Well thanks for both of those. I was pretty ignorant of both of them and took DDs word for it. What's it like watching the Italian coverage? I know they have Maurizio Fondriest assisting but isn't the main commentator even more off the wall than DD? Imagine that, being able to out-duffield David Duffield. Frightening.

From: Rod
Subject: David Duffield

Brilliant site much enjoyed, keep up the good work.
One off the funniest comments I remember David making was during the Amstel Gold Race a couple of years ago. The roads were slightly damp, (a couple of riders had fallen) and as we know this can create conditions more slippery than those caused by heavy rain. David was trying to explain this and went on to say "Its very slippery out there because there has not been enough rain to wash the roads dry" - What he really meant of course was that the rain had not been heavy enough to wash away all the diesel, etc. As some of your contributors have mentioned, there is no comparison to the 15-20mins of edited commentary of Liggett and Sherwin, to the enormous task of 7 hours live commentary. This has been accomplish at times single handed by the great man, long may he continue - he is irreplaceable.

Indeed Rod, indeed. Well spotted. Interestingly you can listen to Liggett and Sherwin trying their hand at 7 hour live commentaries live on the web at the Outdoor Life Network site or as DD would say "w.outdoorLi.com.uk" or something similar. I tried listening to it but it felt adulterous so I switched back to Eurosport quickly.

From: Phil
Subject: David Duffield

..........of course, as todays stage of the Tour is in the Alps, it's a good day to "bury your Grandmother"

This is the excuse you give your boss when instead of being at work, you're at home watching 7 hours of the tour with David Duffield !!

I'm digging as we speak.

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From: Simon
Subject: David Duffield

Looking through your duffieldisms I didn't notice one of his favourites: "he parts his hair with a chamois leather" - used to described the hair style of riders such as pantani or lutenburger

cheers Simon

Thanks Simon.. There are quite a few of us in the Agreeable World that also part our hair with a chamois leather. How we yearn for the days when we could grow a mullet like that stylish Mr Brochard!

From: Jonathon
Subject: David Duffield

Another "Duffieldism" for you. As Francois Simon was struggling to stay with the lead group on the way to Alpe d'Huez, he was apparently "playing the accordian", meaning he was going in and out of the bunch.

Long may DD's commentary continue.

Regards, Jon.

Accordians, banjos...perhaps this has something to do with  skiffle? Someone else (Simon I think) pointed out that "O'Grady has gone off the back playing the accordian" as well. Perhaps we can get a band together with a tea chest bass.

From: Brian
Subject: David Duffield

Great page, guys!

My own addition to this tribute concerns poor Dave's debilitating psychiatric disorder whereby he cannot help stressing the 2nd syllable of any foreign word. This is most noticeable with:

Bartoli (we hear ‘bar-TOE-li’ instead of ‘BAR-to-li’)
Fassa Bortolo (we hear ‘bor-TOE-lo’ instead of ‘BOR-to-lo’)
CSC Tiscali (we hear ‘tis-CAR-li’ instead of ‘TIS-ca-li’)

Dave... please please please visit your neighbouring Eurosport Italian commentator and get a crash course in pronunciation.

Brian.

One of the things that I particularly like about Dave is his ability to mangle beautiful foreign languages. Its a skill I try to employ when I go on holiday as it always makes conversing with the locals a bit more fun. Also do you notice how he tells us that Lance Armstrong recovered from "testular cancer". Perhaps he doesn't like mentioning that part of the body on air which seems strange as Semen often gets a mention when the Bonjour riders are on screen.

From: Juliet (Via Agreeable Chris)
Subject: Duffieldballs

Are you collecting these?
One yesterday was:
"It was raining - wet water falling out of the sky"
Juliet

Thanks Juliet, thats up there with "washing the roads dry". You know, I think there's something amazingly attractive about a woman who collects duffieldisms.

From: Nick
Subject: Club Dinners

I went to the Welsh CA BAR lunch a couple of years ago and Duffers was the guest speaker. Typical of the man, it was just like one of his commentaries - a fine start and then slowly deteriorating into over excitement punctuated by lots of Ah's, Er's, Um's etc. He then got really wound up during the Q & A session after (it was just after the "Festina" affair) when his hatred (quite rightly) of any form of doping became evident.

Nice man though - met him in the car park afterwards. He'd left his wife in the car for the best part (sorry thick end) of 3 hours!!

Well worth getting for the club bash though.

Nick

Thanks for the account Nick. Don't suppose you got a picture of him did you? Left his wife in the car!?! So we'd only have to pay for one meal ticket if we could get him to come to our dinner. We will have to look into that.

From: Gary & Geoff
Subject: Duffers

You forgot to mention the following :
"Pursuiters Hooter" Big Nose
"Lashaid" spelt phonetically Off The Back
David Duffield is the Dogs Bo**ocks, good work fella long may you reign.

He is indeed! I think "lashaid" comes from the French verb Lache (sp?) which according to its use on Radio Tour means "to go out the back"

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Tour de France 2001 Update

In the bumper TdF 2001 preview issue of Cycling Weekly there was an article in the News Section that profiled this web page dedicated to the Great Man Duffield. The response over the next week was huge as Cycling Weekly readers flocked to find out more about their hero. Many people sent in emails which we have reproduced in their full glory below.

From: Vernon
Subject: duffer

Your Duffield speak is bad G.

Here are a couple you may have missed/left out for a reason (?)

Penny numbers: ?

Blast on the old banjo: ?

I can not give you a translation for any of the above, as like most viewers I don't know what he is talking about!

Thanks Vernon. I suspect "Penny numbers" refers to the riders coming across the line in ones and twos. As for "Blast on the old banjo" that could mean absolutely anything where DD is concerned!

From: Eddy
Subject: Duffieldisms

I found your David info website very enjoyable - suggest that you might wish to add the following:

"we are getting towards the back end" we are near to the finish

"near the back end he will sprint" near the end he will sprint

"a bit conky up the road" the next 10 kms will be rather hilly

"pants, trousers" - anything you like except shorts

Outstanding commentating this year:

We joined the Tour of Catalonia to see a single rider obviously on a very good break. Our good friend David proceeded to tell us about "everything" which had happened that day (about 8 minutes). Within 5 secs of him first mentioning the break the camera returned to the second group. Needless to say whilst the camera was on this group David told us all about the solo break.

Overall I do appreciate David's efforts and mostly enjoy his food and tourist diversion but the single thing which never ceases to infuriate is:

We get to 3k and think its coming, we get to 2k and we think it must be none and then David starts it - in the last couple of Ks he proceeds to give us a full description of the whole race for the whole day and to make sure that we are not short of information a description of any other race which anyone remotely described as a British pro has been involved in. My feelings when I only wish for info about the last k and finishing straight cannot be put in print.

Best Wishes
Keep up the good work
Eddy

Thanks Eddy. I know what you mean. Hang in there - you'll get used to it!

From: Peter
Subject: Duffers

A classic from the recent Giro d'Italia - after Buenahora's crash when his fork broke, a few minute's later ther was a shot of Buenahora giving chase and Duffer's remarked "it looks like Buenahora's had a change of bike".

I remember this one as well. All I can say in defence is that DD has to make do with a small monitor that he can barely see, the quality of which is reminiscent of early John Logie Baird models. This fact alone actually accounts for quite a lot of the content of this page.

From: Phil
Subject: Duffield

Hi guys

Loved the article on David Duffield. I've only just realised how Duffieldisms have crept in to my own conversation. Only the other day I was telling a friend how i came *a box of tricks* on my mountain bike.....and he looked at me with a blank stare!

I'll have to listen out over the next few weeks, but i reckon the saying is:....it's looking a bit *black* over Bills mothers....

Cycling on the box is not the same with out Mr Duffield........

Regards Phil

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Some of David's common sayings include:

f you have got any more info on David we would love to add it to this list. Likewise we would like you to send us any Duffield speak that you hear on Eurosport.

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Some of David's common sayings include:

f you have got any more info on David we would love to add it to this list. Likewise we would like you to send us any Duffield speak that you hear on Eurosport.

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